Many happy things happened while I was in Jakarta for a month... but I can't help but to feel left out with so much news happening around my friends...

First of all congratulation to Sherine and Ruswadi for making such a big decision to leave the audit field... I truly admire your guts! Wishing you all the best for your new journey! I'm hoping to know my direction soon too...=)

Another congratulation to Huiyan for finding a super nicez boyfriend, truly happy for you girl! Wish you both a happy lovey dovey times =) Congratulation to Edwin too for finding a nice girl after waiting for sooo long... treasure her dude!

Congratulation to Von too for getting g engaged and preparing to get married... though there is a disappointment that I was only aware of it when I read your blog, I still want to wish you happiness! I thought it was good news and suppose to be share among your friends, or you prefer to be low profile about it...

And Von, I'm not sure what is happening to all our friendship. We are indeed curious and wished that you would be the same as you were in the past. There are many questions that all of us have in our mind. We do hope that you are not pursuing your own life long happiness at the expense of our friendship. No matter what, I believe my fellow Martian and I will always be there for you whenever you need us. We are not giving up on you, but there will be a time where we would be tired of asking you out because of your constant rejection. No doubt I would honestly say that our friendship will not be the same but do remember that both Martian and I sincerely wish you happiness in whatever you do and remember that our door will always be open for you =) Take lots of care my dear friend!

Another congratulation to my dear pet; marley... Congratulations for getting a job and also your courtship stage... =) I hope Mr. Jojo is nicez =) cos all my friends should deserve someone who is nicez!

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I saw a colony of ants crawling on the wall this afternoon and I started to think “how nice if my thoughts are as simple as the ant's”.

Those tiny creatures are known for their strength and determination. Apart from being very socially active and unselfish, they are also the most focused of beings. They know what they have to do in their respective lives, i.e., get food. But humans, I still don't know what our roles are, In spite of being the most intelligent; we are also the most confused!

With many people that I know are leaving their profession as an auditor, I started to question myself where the future lies for me. With such news I can't help but to feel depress, confuse and uncertain. I really wonder if I need to spend 3 years in this profession before I realize that this profession doesn't suit me.

Being seconded to an overseas engagement and working with the high level management has made me realize that this profession is not as simple as it seems. There are lots of things that come with our job. In our profession, we are simply doing our work but this simplicity may be seen as otherwise by clients. Being seconded to Indo has really been a great exposure to me and it really has made me realized the reality of business world where everyone are just trying to save their bowl of rice.

Indeed I am now in a state of confusion and trying hard to find an answer to all my questions. But I guess I have to be patience with everything that remains unsolved in my heart. Things may not be answered right now, and I should not try looking for the answer because I may not be able to live with those answers with my present state of mind.

I guess it is a question of experiencing everything. At present I may have to live with such unsolved mysteries but perhaps I will gradually, without even noticing it, find myself experiencing the answer.

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It's so heart warming when someone you love shows you the concern when u are sick =D

Some sweet messages from my love ones:

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Work ended early today so I met Grace for a chat before going home since she was at Outram. While we were chatting, she asked me why sometimes I am cold and can just ignore everything. At that moment, without thinking much I just replied her that it is just ME. In fact she was not the first one who asked me this question, I had been asked with similar question by many friends in many occasions and every time I would just reply them with a smile or acknowledge this weakness of mine.

After having a long “own reflection” moment on my way home, I asked myself if I have some split personality or some psychological problems. I guess I can’t find the answer unless I go to some psychiatrist or some other professional.

Being sent to Singapore since I’m 13 I have learnt to be independent and not to be too reliant on someone. Having quite a complicated childhood moments, I have learnt that many of times I just want to numb myself because it is a form of relaxation. Having been hurt emotionally by some people has made me realized that I couldn’t afford to let myself be hurt anymore.

Of course I have some people that I really trust, someone that I know who will wish me well, pray for my well being even if she is not somewhere near my sight. I have friends that I really love, friends that I know that they will always remember me and love me no matter how far they are.

Sometimes I do like to draw myself out from my friends because I just feel that somehow I need some space to breath. I need some time to be alone to stone. Indeed, I like to have gatherings with my friends because it is a time where I can let go and enjoy myself, but not to the extent that I want to be with my friends every day, talking to the same friend every day, shopping with the same friend every day and doing things together every day.

In fact those closest to me are not those who spend their “everyday” with me. I love the kind of friendship that I have with Andy, Polin, Asay, Step and Huiyan, but I am not implying that I don’t like the kind of friendship that I have with the rest of my friends. I’m just trying to say that your closeness to one person can’t be measure with the time you spend with each other or the distant.

Personally I feel that having to talk to the same person everyday give me some pressure, I feel that it is more of an obligation instead of having a true quality time. I mean isn’t it good to update your friend once in awhile instead of having it an “everyday” sharing kind of thing?! I guess it is more meaningful. And I love to visit Alice in the wonderland every now and then to find the inner peace that I really need.

Some friends like to ask me to rate how deep our friendships are, be it in terms of percentage or figures. Honestly I hate it when people started to ask me this kind of question mainly because I will have no answer to it. I have never rate my friendship with my friends, in fact I just give them some nickname like the piggy, the smu gurls, the 7 sista, buddy , dearie, bao bei , darlin and etc.

I feel that asking someone to rate his or her friendship or love toward a person is a childish kind of thing, but I know that rating give them the reassurance that they need. On the other note, I do wonder why they lack of such reassurance! Wouldn’t they be able to know it themselves deep in their heart?! Have they ever tried to ask themselves first before asking the parties involve? Wouldn’t they know how close they are by the topics that they are talking about, the depth of their conversation, the hugs or laughter that they share?! Honestly I don’t understand, really.

Why can’t friendship be pure and simple? Why do we need to put a pressure in a friendship? Won't life be too tiring and stressful if even the simplest thing like a friendship has to have its own stress?! Aren't the stresses from school, work and family’s expectation bad enough to frustrate you?!. Why do we need to add another component to our stress level? Isn’t friendship supposed to be a relaxation thing?!

So, what if you are not someone’s good friend or so called bestie? Does it make you less valuable? Less important? Less precious? Do you mean that being one’s bestie makes you more superior to the others? Are you saying that my SMU gurls are less important than my piggy family or vice versa?! Maybe these kind of comparisons do apply to some people, but trust me if they do think that way, they are not worthy of your time, much more your true friendship!

Best friend, good friend, normal friend are just the categories that some people came up with, but that doesn’t mean you need to conform with it! Wouldn’t having a different kind of level of friendship remind you of the EM3 or EM4 ranking kind off stuffs?! The good and the bad students?! Is that how friendship should be rank?! Isn’t friendship supposed to be the most priceless and incomparable thing of all?!
I am who I am, people who know me will understand my actions, my mood swings and etc. people who refuse to understand, sorry but to say, I can’t be bother to ask you to understand and you don’t have the obligation to do so.

Don’t ask me why such an actions because the moment you decided to befriend me, that is also the moment you should accept this principle of mine or you may call it my weaknesses.

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“Graduation”, A word that has lots of feeling to it. A feeling of accomplishment, a feeling that a long hard journey has come to an end and that a whole new adventure is about to begin.

It seems such a long time ago that I first began to attend Singapore Management University. I remembered those first days when everything seemed so unfamiliar to me. I had entered a strange new world where everything was new, uncertain, exciting, and often scary.

Certainly my experiences at SMU were not all pleasant or easy. There were difficult courses, difficult assignments, difficult project and of course difficult exams. But nothing really important is accomplished without some share of difficulties. And these uncomfortable challenges each had their own distinct part to play in the development of my character. So I shall cheers to my tears and sweat!

And now, from my perspective as a graduate, I look back at SMU as a second home. Its seminar rooms, its group study rooms, its routines and culture, its many sights and sounds; and the faces and voices of many special friends will remain with me for the rest of your life. Good friends like JL, Porkie, Cupid, Mitch, Sherine, Von, A-zhen, Karen, Weihui, Martian, ZQ and many more will always be remembered.

There are also those members of my family who believed in me and encouraged me all along the way: people like Mom, Dad, Sis, God-ma and her family. My graduation is, of course, a happy event for them. But there is more to their pride than simply the happiness that comes from seeing success in someone they love. Theirs is the special pride that comes from being a part of my accomplishment.

And there were professors whose faces and voices I will recall for a lifetime: professors such as Prof. Linda, Prof. Pearl, Prof Dai, Prof. Tay and many others. What they have given me cannot be measured merely in terms of lesson plans and academic credits. They have broadened my horizons and contributed to my understanding and appreciation of life itself.

Many different things will be remembered about my graduation day - the weather, the laughter and joy, the sights and sounds, and the faces and voices of the formal gathering. But those who were there for my graduation will especially remember the happy moment when the name "Yuki Handoko" was announced. They watched with pride and delight as I came forward to receive my proper recognition from the Dean.

July, 11, 2009, is a day which will always hold a special place in my heart and in the minds and hearts of all those who care for me, for that was the day that my accomplishment was recognized as complete. It was on that day that I earned my Bachelor in Accountancy!

Thanks to all who wished me and those who came to the graduation day and I really appreciate those gestures! Thanks Shirl, Tingz, Fi, Steph and Silvi =)

So to all my friends and all 2009 graduates, Congratulations and May you achieve success in all the opportunities that come your way!

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I’m suppose to blog about my conversation with Von, but I guess I have to finish and post up the entry another day.



By now I believe you must have heard that our king of pop has left the world, so what is your take on this?

I still remember listening to Michael Jackson's “Heal the world”, “Black or White”, “Ben” (my old time favorite songs by him) from my MP3 a few days ago. And this morning I was surprised when I saw “Michael Jackson is dead” news article hugely posted on Yahoo! news. It took me sometime to realize that the news is real, I stoned for awhile, wondering how many people feel the way I do.

Unexpected and without warning, he left this world; A world where he has brought much joy through his songs and dances. And he left while we were all working, studying, sleeping and other daily activities.

So what we do when we heard the news? We bemoan that he passed on too young in disbelief. Some chose not to believe and questioned the reality. But unfortunately, no matter how cruel it is, it did happen.

I guess death is a relief for him, he wouldn't have to face the cruelty of the world who questioned his actions, and living with the rumors (whether true or false) that were thrown at him. And perhaps God wants him to sing and dance “Up” there, so He brings Michael Jackson along with him, and God loves him so much that He doesn't wants MJ to suffer anymore on the earth.

I thank him for his songs that accompanied me throughout my study time.
I salute him for his talent especially the “Michael Jackson’s dance”.
I admire him for his strength in facing the never-ending mockery and criticism.
I forgive him for the mistakes that he did believing that all of us are born as sinners.
And I will always remember him as the king of Pop.
So MJ, rest in peace.

Knowing that life is so fragile,

I shall change my perception of life and how I will live my remaining days.
I shall carry on each day with zest for life.
I shall derive joy from each day matter how tough life gets.
I shall treasure what I have at this moment and be glad that I have them
I shall live for the moment and not too plan too much, since we hardly foresee what will happen in the next hour.
I shall forge ahead bravely and do what I want to do with my life without owing anybody any explanation.
I shall forgive and forget
I shall be kind to myself
As I know I only live once in a lifetime.

I shall end the entry with:
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. Have a safe journey MJ.

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I had a sleepless night last night after reading a personal email from Huiyan. (Due to personal stuffs, I will not discuss the content of her email). I’ve known Huiyan since my high school days and we share a rare and special friendship. We are neither those kind of friends who will often meet each other nor those friends who will texts each other constantly. In fact we only meet twice a year which is during her birthday and mine.

Our mode of communication is through email or sometimes a rare phone call.I personally love our special friendship because it gives neither one of us the obligation and pressure that comes from a friendship, but deep down we both know that we are always there for each other whenever we need each other’s help, concern and support.

Anyhow, through her email I could sense the anguish and pain that she is going through right now and I could imagine the amount of tears that she had let go.

This entry is dedicated especially for Huiyan and those who are currently feeling down and loss.

When I googled “Define tears”, it says that tears are a mixture of salt content with some long chemically hard pronouncing minerals terms. Being a non- science student I am confuse by the definition. But really, how many of us really know how tears are defined? Because in actual fact, everyone cries without bothering to ask what it is.

We know that crying is the first thing that comes with us when were born. When we are growing up, crying often provides shield against any reprimand from our parents and teachers over the slightest mistake that we made.

As we grow older, crying helps us to relieve the pain that is unbearable. And no matter how we try to hold our tears back, the Mother Nature fills every human being with many emotional cells that allow the tears to flow freely from within.

As we step in into adulthood, we cry quietly, trying to hide the attention of those puffy eyes. I cried many times in my life, over those silly things, sad movies, failure in study and work and failed relationship.

I enjoy crying alone to save myself from embarrassment but if given the chance I wish I could still remain youth and cry in the arms of my parents whenever I feel sad. But reality is I'm a grown up now, I should make my own decision, walk my own route and if we made the wrong choice, we have to be responsible and face the consequences ourselves.

Crying helps to heal the inner pain, for the lost of someone, for the regrets that we have or for other things that are sometimes impossible to explain. To me, crying is a better way to express sadness and grief than any form of action. Each individual who cries need a shoulder for some support. A strong firm shoulder that helps to shelter their sadness.

So, the next time you ever see someone is crying, lend him/ her your shoulder and you may want to cry with him/ or her.

Again the reality of life comes in, after shearing the tears of agony, you must remember to pick yourself up. Indeed that there is no use crying over the spilled milk but there is another pail of fresh milk waiting for you to work on it and continue with your life.

Sadly, many of time people choose to stuck in the whirl of disbelief when they are down that often enough results in the loss of confidence, self esteem and self respect. And little did they realize that once they are in that stage, others will not support them as much as they hope they (others) will.

P.S. HuiYan, have a good cry and get back on your feet again. Many things are waiting for you to explore. Million of huggies..... ^_^

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看完了这芭蕾舞蹈演出, 感觉满多的
他们很勇敢, 心理很佩服他们
他们有多么的坚强, 心理为他们鼓掌
就算没有完美的肉体，但他们还是能呈现一段感人优雅的舞蹈
每一个人有自己的缺陷， 但每一个人也有自己的勇气
所以人生是不是跟舞蹈一样呢？很美但很苦
如果人生是个舞蹈，你心中的舞蹈会是怎么样的呢？

I have lots of feelings and thoughts after watching the ballet performance.

I admire them for their bravery; I applaud them for their courage.
Even though they may not have a perfect human body, they were still able to present such a graceful , touching and beautiful dance.

Everyone has their own flaws but they also have their own courage
Is life similar to the dances they presented?
A beautiful one yet full of obstacles

If life is a dance, what kind of dance would you have???

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A book lying idle on a shelf is wasted ammunition. Like books, experiences must be kept in a constant circulation. When you have possessed a book with mind and spirit, you are enriched. But when you pass it on you are enriched threefold.

Welcome to “A Whole New Journey”, the circulation of my routines and experiences.

“Where love belongs to” was a past
“A Whole New Journey” is the present

And so let the journey begins today.......

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