Labels: Random, Thoughts

Work ended early today so I met Grace for a chat before going home since she was at Outram. While we were chatting, she asked me why sometimes I am cold and can just ignore everything. At that moment, without thinking much I just replied her that it is just ME. In fact she was not the first one who asked me this question, I had been asked with similar question by many friends in many occasions and every time I would just reply them with a smile or acknowledge this weakness of mine.

After having a long “own reflection” moment on my way home, I asked myself if I have some split personality or some psychological problems. I guess I can’t find the answer unless I go to some psychiatrist or some other professional.

Being sent to Singapore since I’m 13 I have learnt to be independent and not to be too reliant on someone. Having quite a complicated childhood moments, I have learnt that many of times I just want to numb myself because it is a form of relaxation. Having been hurt emotionally by some people has made me realized that I couldn’t afford to let myself be hurt anymore.

Of course I have some people that I really trust, someone that I know who will wish me well, pray for my well being even if she is not somewhere near my sight. I have friends that I really love, friends that I know that they will always remember me and love me no matter how far they are.

Sometimes I do like to draw myself out from my friends because I just feel that somehow I need some space to breath. I need some time to be alone to stone. Indeed, I like to have gatherings with my friends because it is a time where I can let go and enjoy myself, but not to the extent that I want to be with my friends every day, talking to the same friend every day, shopping with the same friend every day and doing things together every day.

In fact those closest to me are not those who spend their “everyday” with me. I love the kind of friendship that I have with Andy, Polin, Asay, Step and Huiyan, but I am not implying that I don’t like the kind of friendship that I have with the rest of my friends. I’m just trying to say that your closeness to one person can’t be measure with the time you spend with each other or the distant.

Personally I feel that having to talk to the same person everyday give me some pressure, I feel that it is more of an obligation instead of having a true quality time. I mean isn’t it good to update your friend once in awhile instead of having it an “everyday” sharing kind of thing?! I guess it is more meaningful. And I love to visit Alice in the wonderland every now and then to find the inner peace that I really need.

Some friends like to ask me to rate how deep our friendships are, be it in terms of percentage or figures. Honestly I hate it when people started to ask me this kind of question mainly because I will have no answer to it. I have never rate my friendship with my friends, in fact I just give them some nickname like the piggy, the smu gurls, the 7 sista, buddy , dearie, bao bei , darlin and etc.

I feel that asking someone to rate his or her friendship or love toward a person is a childish kind of thing, but I know that rating give them the reassurance that they need. On the other note, I do wonder why they lack of such reassurance! Wouldn’t they be able to know it themselves deep in their heart?! Have they ever tried to ask themselves first before asking the parties involve? Wouldn’t they know how close they are by the topics that they are talking about, the depth of their conversation, the hugs or laughter that they share?! Honestly I don’t understand, really.

Why can’t friendship be pure and simple? Why do we need to put a pressure in a friendship? Won't life be too tiring and stressful if even the simplest thing like a friendship has to have its own stress?! Aren't the stresses from school, work and family’s expectation bad enough to frustrate you?!. Why do we need to add another component to our stress level? Isn’t friendship supposed to be a relaxation thing?!

So, what if you are not someone’s good friend or so called bestie? Does it make you less valuable? Less important? Less precious? Do you mean that being one’s bestie makes you more superior to the others? Are you saying that my SMU gurls are less important than my piggy family or vice versa?! Maybe these kind of comparisons do apply to some people, but trust me if they do think that way, they are not worthy of your time, much more your true friendship!

Best friend, good friend, normal friend are just the categories that some people came up with, but that doesn’t mean you need to conform with it! Wouldn’t having a different kind of level of friendship remind you of the EM3 or EM4 ranking kind off stuffs?! The good and the bad students?! Is that how friendship should be rank?! Isn’t friendship supposed to be the most priceless and incomparable thing of all?!
I am who I am, people who know me will understand my actions, my mood swings and etc. people who refuse to understand, sorry but to say, I can’t be bother to ask you to understand and you don’t have the obligation to do so.

Don’t ask me why such an actions because the moment you decided to befriend me, that is also the moment you should accept this principle of mine or you may call it my weaknesses.

Labels: Random, Thoughts

(The documents that I perused, casted and carried up and down for the past 3 days)

Things I hate about going to work:

1. Getting up early every morning; my body still refuses to wake up early.

2. Having to take the train that is so crowded with all the pushing and stepping on my pretty heels, and the different smells that I have to bear for the whole journey.

3. Not in the same buddy team as Mr nicez manager!!!! T.T

4. Having to run up and down to the printing room with my heels, not forgetting the million pages of documents that I have to carry each time!

5.The million of paper cuts that I have to endure while perusing the documents as well as the scratches marks left behind by all the binders on my arms.

6.Having to stay back to finish the tasks given because suddenly all tasks are urgent!

7.Not being able to chat on my MSN at night as I will be concussed once I reach home.

8.The late dinner or no dinner that I have to endure and trust me, soon I will complain that 我发福了！！！

BUT....

Despite all those things that I hate, you can still see me grinning away just because Mr. nicez manager smiled to me =)

so moral of the story is: find something that could make your day even if you are feeling down and frustated!



(Mr nicez manager, Mitch drew this when we had our training ^_^)

Labels: Random

“Graduation”, A word that has lots of feeling to it. A feeling of accomplishment, a feeling that a long hard journey has come to an end and that a whole new adventure is about to begin.

It seems such a long time ago that I first began to attend Singapore Management University. I remembered those first days when everything seemed so unfamiliar to me. I had entered a strange new world where everything was new, uncertain, exciting, and often scary.

Certainly my experiences at SMU were not all pleasant or easy. There were difficult courses, difficult assignments, difficult project and of course difficult exams. But nothing really important is accomplished without some share of difficulties. And these uncomfortable challenges each had their own distinct part to play in the development of my character. So I shall cheers to my tears and sweat!

And now, from my perspective as a graduate, I look back at SMU as a second home. Its seminar rooms, its group study rooms, its routines and culture, its many sights and sounds; and the faces and voices of many special friends will remain with me for the rest of your life. Good friends like JL, Porkie, Cupid, Mitch, Sherine, Von, A-zhen, Karen, Weihui, Martian, ZQ and many more will always be remembered.

There are also those members of my family who believed in me and encouraged me all along the way: people like Mom, Dad, Sis, God-ma and her family. My graduation is, of course, a happy event for them. But there is more to their pride than simply the happiness that comes from seeing success in someone they love. Theirs is the special pride that comes from being a part of my accomplishment.

And there were professors whose faces and voices I will recall for a lifetime: professors such as Prof. Linda, Prof. Pearl, Prof Dai, Prof. Tay and many others. What they have given me cannot be measured merely in terms of lesson plans and academic credits. They have broadened my horizons and contributed to my understanding and appreciation of life itself.

Many different things will be remembered about my graduation day - the weather, the laughter and joy, the sights and sounds, and the faces and voices of the formal gathering. But those who were there for my graduation will especially remember the happy moment when the name "Yuki Handoko" was announced. They watched with pride and delight as I came forward to receive my proper recognition from the Dean.

July, 11, 2009, is a day which will always hold a special place in my heart and in the minds and hearts of all those who care for me, for that was the day that my accomplishment was recognized as complete. It was on that day that I earned my Bachelor in Accountancy!

Thanks to all who wished me and those who came to the graduation day and I really appreciate those gestures! Thanks Shirl, Tingz, Fi, Steph and Silvi =)

So to all my friends and all 2009 graduates, Congratulations and May you achieve success in all the opportunities that come your way!

Labels: Random, Thoughts

Hi People!!

Time to update my life here! I had started working in KPMG last Wednesday. So every 1st of July, i will buy myself a present to remind myself that I entered the working world on that day.

I am not sure if I had made the right choice by going back to KPMG, neither am I sure if auditor life is what I really want. But since I had made the decision, I should grab the opportunity and learnt as much as I can from the company.

Going to KP is just like going back to SMU as there are many familiar faces around; it is surprising to see some people in the company, since I believe that most of them will not choose being an auditor as their career. Oh yah, Cupid, Mitch and Sharon are working at KP too..=) Though we will be in the different department BUT, “Lunch?” Why not?!

Anyhow, one of my managers who used to be my assistant manager when I did my intern there still remembers me. Trust me, it’s something to be happy about! Remember how I was really crazy about him (Don’t be mistaken with what I meant here kay!). But tell you guys, I was feeling high and keep on smiling even while updating this entry. And yes, sweet news has to be share among your friends too! So I told Mitch, Ah bell and Porkie about it, I think they will just want to faint on me. They say I’m silly but I just can’t get rid of these silly genes in me =D.

Orientation was fun and I had made some new friends but too bad fun stuff has ended and next week shall be the training week, I hope I could survive the never-ending lectures.

Meeting the girls tomorrow to collect our graduation gown and yah as usual photo taking session!!! I really miss Ah- bell, Porkie and Huizhen, it’s been ages since I last saw them. Hopefully we will have crazy time tomorrow =D . My dear weather, please don’t rain tomorrow. . ^_^

P.S. Now I know what they meant by sweet moments. I have a jar of sugar in my heart right now =D, can you guys imagine me smiling away???!

Labels: Random

I’m suppose to blog about my conversation with Von, but I guess I have to finish and post up the entry another day.



By now I believe you must have heard that our king of pop has left the world, so what is your take on this?

I still remember listening to Michael Jackson's “Heal the world”, “Black or White”, “Ben” (my old time favorite songs by him) from my MP3 a few days ago. And this morning I was surprised when I saw “Michael Jackson is dead” news article hugely posted on Yahoo! news. It took me sometime to realize that the news is real, I stoned for awhile, wondering how many people feel the way I do.

Unexpected and without warning, he left this world; A world where he has brought much joy through his songs and dances. And he left while we were all working, studying, sleeping and other daily activities.

So what we do when we heard the news? We bemoan that he passed on too young in disbelief. Some chose not to believe and questioned the reality. But unfortunately, no matter how cruel it is, it did happen.

I guess death is a relief for him, he wouldn't have to face the cruelty of the world who questioned his actions, and living with the rumors (whether true or false) that were thrown at him. And perhaps God wants him to sing and dance “Up” there, so He brings Michael Jackson along with him, and God loves him so much that He doesn't wants MJ to suffer anymore on the earth.

I thank him for his songs that accompanied me throughout my study time.
I salute him for his talent especially the “Michael Jackson’s dance”.
I admire him for his strength in facing the never-ending mockery and criticism.
I forgive him for the mistakes that he did believing that all of us are born as sinners.
And I will always remember him as the king of Pop.
So MJ, rest in peace.

Knowing that life is so fragile,

I shall change my perception of life and how I will live my remaining days.
I shall carry on each day with zest for life.
I shall derive joy from each day matter how tough life gets.
I shall treasure what I have at this moment and be glad that I have them
I shall live for the moment and not too plan too much, since we hardly foresee what will happen in the next hour.
I shall forge ahead bravely and do what I want to do with my life without owing anybody any explanation.
I shall forgive and forget
I shall be kind to myself
As I know I only live once in a lifetime.

I shall end the entry with:
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. Have a safe journey MJ.

Labels: Random, Thoughts

I had a sleepless night last night after reading a personal email from Huiyan. (Due to personal stuffs, I will not discuss the content of her email). I’ve known Huiyan since my high school days and we share a rare and special friendship. We are neither those kind of friends who will often meet each other nor those friends who will texts each other constantly. In fact we only meet twice a year which is during her birthday and mine.

Our mode of communication is through email or sometimes a rare phone call.I personally love our special friendship because it gives neither one of us the obligation and pressure that comes from a friendship, but deep down we both know that we are always there for each other whenever we need each other’s help, concern and support.

Anyhow, through her email I could sense the anguish and pain that she is going through right now and I could imagine the amount of tears that she had let go.

This entry is dedicated especially for Huiyan and those who are currently feeling down and loss.

When I googled “Define tears”, it says that tears are a mixture of salt content with some long chemically hard pronouncing minerals terms. Being a non- science student I am confuse by the definition. But really, how many of us really know how tears are defined? Because in actual fact, everyone cries without bothering to ask what it is.

We know that crying is the first thing that comes with us when were born. When we are growing up, crying often provides shield against any reprimand from our parents and teachers over the slightest mistake that we made.

As we grow older, crying helps us to relieve the pain that is unbearable. And no matter how we try to hold our tears back, the Mother Nature fills every human being with many emotional cells that allow the tears to flow freely from within.

As we step in into adulthood, we cry quietly, trying to hide the attention of those puffy eyes. I cried many times in my life, over those silly things, sad movies, failure in study and work and failed relationship.

I enjoy crying alone to save myself from embarrassment but if given the chance I wish I could still remain youth and cry in the arms of my parents whenever I feel sad. But reality is I'm a grown up now, I should make my own decision, walk my own route and if we made the wrong choice, we have to be responsible and face the consequences ourselves.

Crying helps to heal the inner pain, for the lost of someone, for the regrets that we have or for other things that are sometimes impossible to explain. To me, crying is a better way to express sadness and grief than any form of action. Each individual who cries need a shoulder for some support. A strong firm shoulder that helps to shelter their sadness.

So, the next time you ever see someone is crying, lend him/ her your shoulder and you may want to cry with him/ or her.

Again the reality of life comes in, after shearing the tears of agony, you must remember to pick yourself up. Indeed that there is no use crying over the spilled milk but there is another pail of fresh milk waiting for you to work on it and continue with your life.

Sadly, many of time people choose to stuck in the whirl of disbelief when they are down that often enough results in the loss of confidence, self esteem and self respect. And little did they realize that once they are in that stage, others will not support them as much as they hope they (others) will.

P.S. HuiYan, have a good cry and get back on your feet again. Many things are waiting for you to explore. Million of huggies..... ^_^

Labels: Random, Thoughts